Being a Nazi Vs. Punching a Nazi: Two Sides of the Same Coin

We’ve all been touted the ancient infallible wisdom that “two wrongs don’t make a right,” and that we should all love one another. This flawless ideology has never ceased to be relevant, and holds true even amidst the chaos of 2017 United States. Don’t believe me? These following points effortlessly highlight the undeniable similarities to both sides of the on-going human rights issue.

Who is hurt?

Nazis:  Nazi ideology hurts POC, queer people, women, and immigrants of all ages and political alignment. Not only are these the blatant outspoken targets of their movements, but these people will eventually be effected knowingly or otherwise should the mindset persist and seep into society.

Opponents:  Those audacious enough to forego polite society and physically brutalize Nazis have a tangible effect on whichever Nazi was attacked. And though Nazis are their primary victims, what’s stopping these people from also harassing rapists? You need to carefully refine who you are to fit into their elite “unpunchable” club.

How to stay safe

Nazis: To stay on the safe side, refrain from having a dark skin tone. If your name is foreign-sounding, try a legal name change to something like “William Bradshawshire,” “Kenneth Footballington,” or “Abigail Elizabeth Marie III.”  Ladies, don’t be a whore and be mindful of your husband’s reputation (if you don’t have a husband, what are you even doing with your life?). Men, be sure to never hug your “bros” or you’re probably gay. Oh yeah, and don’t be gay.

Opponents:  Don’t ostentatiously exist in any public place as a Nazi.


Nazis: I mean, historically there may have been lynchings, firing squads, concentration camps, discriminatory laws/revoking legal rights, rape, and arson involved, but in our civilized modern days the worst that every happens is some hurt feelings! Oh, and vehicular manslaughter, a few stabbings, maybe one or two LGBTQ centers burned down, getting a handful of queers fired, a molotov cocktail in a house or two, carjacking some trans woman, threats of lynchings (followed by physical assault resulting in a hospital stay), hitting a couple black children with a hatchet handle, vandalizing buildings in an effort to make it seem like liberals did it, acid thrown at a girl who dated a black person (also at her irrelevant 8-year old sibling), and a couple handfuls of shootings….but there’s NO WAY that it could ever escalate into anything more. Like, mostly hurt feelings. And what’s acid in the face if not hurt feelings, technically?*

Opponents: Aside from tragically assaulting people with different opinions (which could result in a hospital stay, but typically haven’t yet), some of these nefarious heathens once kicked down a mini-wall made by Trump supporters. But wait, it get’s worse. Take a deep breath, because you’ll need some time to mentally prepare for heinous action to soon be described. Ready? Historically….they engaged in WARFARE. Yep, that’s right. Did you know the truth about WWII? The liberal media has been trying to keep it from the public eye, but these anti-Nazi Grendelians mercilessly murdered MILLIONS of Nazis Different-Political-Opinions-People. And it was portrayed in the liberal media as heroic! I mean, sure, the stuff above is bad too, don’t get me wrong…but engaging in warfare? At least Nazis have never willingly formed any sort of armed militia, ever.

What to do if targeted by the other group

Nazis:  Carry a pack of bandages when rioting, just in case. Some ice and vitamin K might help with minor bruising if you’re lucky enough to become a ‘martyr’ by getting punched. But don’t worry about these pesky little assaults! The real valuable advice is to always bring earplugs, since your most common form of assault will be noisy protesters, sobbing by people you frighten, or possibly children screaming in fear and confusion.

Opponents: Go to your local police. No police officer has ever, ever shot a minority or praised the actions of Nazis, especially not within the past few days. N-no wait…..Well, you can always bring the incident to public attention. It’s definitely not common for news sources to victim blame or spend 90% of the time clarifying that Not All Conservatives™ are racist/queerphobic/islamophobic/xenophobic instead of actually addressing the racism/queerphobia/islamophobia/xenophobia. Well, actually….no. How about moving away? Your local area might be bad, but it’d be impossible for these Naziesque rallies to be currently planned in major cities across the United States! Never mind. Some cities might be facing some issues, but the rural parts of America have never had an issue with minorities, right? Okay, okay…..actually, just stop being a minority. Bam! Fool-proof idea right there. At least this way, you wont be tempted to become a horrible excuse of a human being and speak out, or much worse, defend (or be willing to, at least) yourself against the Nazis. That’d just be hypocritical and totally not the only objective idea of Peaceful™

Direct Consequences

Nazis: Okay. ignoring the direct consequences of the previously mentioned crimes, let’s say that this is merely Peaceful™ hate-fueled rioting. No crimes, just the torches and yelling. I mean, at the very worst (but don’t worry, it totally isn’t likely and hasn’t historically played out this way) we continually gain supporters (especially from people high ranking in society), encourage and support one another into positions of authority, and then twist laws and circumstances to our favor whilst getting away with more crime. There’s definitely no way that our words will appeal to a mass group of people who could do something about their feelings of innate superiority, right? There’s no way that we ourselves could merely reiterate the same bigoted ideology and it cause others to adopt and act on that ideology. Ideas throughout humanity have never rapidly spread, especially concerning social hierarchy and social justice. I can’t think of a single historical figure who himself was evil and appealed to the disparaged working class and made them evil by blaming all their issues on any given minority. This especially never happened in Germany circa 1933-1945. It’s just words, and words will never have a tangible outcome (especially when you use the powerful tool of cognitive dissonance to keep reminding yourself that you’re not ∼technically∼ responsible for your words possibly being influential….I mean, someone doesn’t go to jail for telling someone to kill their spouse for them, right? Only the one holding the gun! At least that’s how it should be).

Opponents:  Either a Nazi has minor bruising, maybe looses a tooth, maybe cries….But ‘worse’ case scenario? A child of an oppressed group might be reassured that he is safe, that people care about him. Minorities might feel emboldened, that they cannot be walked on, that they have as much autonomy as everyone else. Nazis might get the impression that they’re not wanted here, that blind hatred isn’t tolerated, that they have a much bigger battle than they thought they’d have. That they’re not willingly to risk their own safety to literally put someone else’s at stake.


“The first premise is that morality is abstracted from circumstance, meaning in this case that (direct) violence is always—under each and every circumstance—wrong, even when it might be necessary to stop even more violence, implying as well that one has no moral responsibility to halt monstrous acts that happen even on one’s own doorstep if stopping those acts would require muddying one’s spiritual hands…

….There is an idea, no, a wish cherished by many, that love implies pacifism. If we love we cannot ever consider violence, even to protect those we love. I’m not sure that mother grizzly bears would agree, nor mother moose (I’ve heard it said that the most dangerous creature in the forest, apart, of course, from civilized humans, is a moose when you’re between her and her child), nor many other mothers I’ve known. I’ve been attacked by mother horses, cows, mice, chickens, geese, eagles, hawks, and hummingbirds who thought I was threatening their children. I have known many human mothers who would kill anyone who was going to harm their little ones. If a mother mouse is willing to put her life on the line by attacking someone eight thousand times her size, how pathetic it is that we construct religious and spiritual philosophies that tell us that to attack even those who are killing those we most dearly love—or those we pretend we love—is to not love at all.

….I have a friend, a former prisoner, who is very smart, and who says that dogmatic pacifists are the most selfish people he knows, because they place their moral purity—or to be more precise, their self-conception of moral purity— above stopping injustice.” -Derrick Jensen


“Violence is like a very strong pill. For a certain illness, it may be very useful, but the side effects are enormous. On a practical level it’s very complicated, so it’s much safer to avoid acts of violence. There is a pertinent point in the Vinaya literature, which explains the disciplinary codes that monks and nuns must observe to retain the purity of their vows. Take the example of a monk or a nun confronting a situation where there are only two alternatives: either to take the life of another person, or to take one’s own life. Under such circumstances, taking one’s life is justified to avoid taking the life of another human being, which would entail transgressing one of the four cardinal vows…Of course, this assumes one accepts the theory of rebirth; otherwise this is very silly.” -The Dalai Lama


“Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.” Matthew 10:34, Jesus


“We are nonviolent with people who are nonviolent with us.”

“Concerning nonviolence, it is criminal to teach a man not to defend himself when he is the constant victim of brutal attacks.”

“I believe that there will ultimately be a clash between the oppressed and those that do the oppressing. I believe that there will be a clash between those who want freedom, justice and equality for everyone and those who want to continue the systems of exploitation.”

“If the white people realize what the alternative is (aggression), perhaps they will be more willing to hear Dr. King (proponent of peace).”

-Malcolm X


*Instances I used for the modern example purposes are factual events, many of which occured all within the past few months.